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No More Compromising- How to Love and Be Loved and Still Get What You Want with Katie Hendricks #69
As woman we find it very difficult to say no to any request that comes our way. We have been taught to be helpful, and kind and be yes women. And so we have been trained to want to please everyone and put everyone else ahead of our own needs. Even when we don’t have the time or the desire to do so. Sometimes we even feel our body resisting, but we don’t listen! All this people pleasing…leads us to a live a life we may not have wanted. In today’s episode of Food, Success & Life for the Modern Woman, Katie Hendricks talks to us about learning to tell the difference between the yes and the nos….by taking our cues from our body. Living and loving consciously. Creating the life we truly want to live.
It’s amazing that her teachings are in tune with our guest from last week Aimee Eoff, about listening to our body…our intuition. If you didn’t catch that episode, make sure to listen to it next.
What is Conscious Living and Conscious Loving?
Conscious Living is being able to fully participate in life by choice, so that we are fully understanding what we really like and don’t like, what we want and don’t want. It allows us to make decisions from the inside out as opposed to from the outside in.
The way that most humans are raised is from the outside in, with structures, laws, rules and shaming, to police our behavior. When we live consciously we don’t need all that because we are living in alignment, the way life is flowing. So that if we agree to do something we do it. And we know how to express our feelings and experiences and thoughts.
The basic benefit is that we get to be awake and alive. We get to participate fully in our life while we are in it.
How do we Start Living Consciously?
So how do we live our life responsively rather than reactively? Where we’re creating our life rather than leaving to the effects of circumstances.
Katie’s team has developed the 4 Pillars of Integrity which have to do with healthy responsibility, impeccable agreements, emotional transparency and communication skills. These have recently been created in a deck of cards to look at what skills we have already integrated and which we still need to practice. This would be a great place to start. They can be found on Katie’s website. Type in impeccable, the integrity deck.
Also found in her new book: Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationships at Midlife and Beyond
Your experience of living consciously happens choice by choice. When you feel that you’re really stuck, make just one good choice at a time will give you the confidence to keep learning and growing. It’s never too late in life to make new choices and to start building a life that works for you rather than one that was given to you.
How to Understand a No or a Yes When You Ask Yourself a Question?
As a beginning exploration, remember a recent tine when you were asked to do something or made a choice and you can feel a contraction in your body, that’s usually a no. When you really don’t want to do something you will feel it on your neck or teeth.
The experience of yes in our body experience it as an uprising, expansion feeling through your chest. It feels like champagne bubbles. It has more of a “hah” quality.
Women don’t really hear those signals because we have received so much external information. We have to start trusting our own inner signals. It creates a flow of harmony.
New FB page The BQ Hub is a page created with classes and tips for how to open up your body intelligence even more. There’s an assessment and lots of information so people can learn to be at home in their bodies.
“Use your Body Intelligence to feel the Yes and No” – Katie Hendricks
How Do You Reconcile the Opposition With Your Spouse?
When your spouse or partner wants to do something but you really don’t want to, how do you reconcile that feeling in your body? Compromise is a relationship killer. When people have to think of a relationships as settling for less, it’s not going to appetizing to anybody. People keep tuning into “what do I really want?”
If one person wants to eat one thing, and their partner wants something different, what emerges is a solution not a compromise. It’s more of a synergy.
Start practicing with your choice of clothes, or restaurants before you start listening to your body on big decisions like whether you want to marry someone, or whether you want to buy a house.
Tips to Start Engaging With Spouse Toward Conscious Loving
Communication is a game of toss.
Think of yourself as a toddler in the realm of communication, like tossing a ball back and forth will allow you to be at ease with yourself rather than critical.
Say to him “Tell me more” and you’re tossing the communication back on his court.
Then you can use “Ooh, then what happened?”
And you can also use “What interests you most about that?”
Also use body sensations. Katie explains how to do this and how it will evolve over time with practice. It’s quite powerful and effective. You will learn that your conversations will be about discover as opposed to about blame.
Why Goosebumps are an Important Body Signal?
Goosebumps is a rush through the skin and the whole body. It lets you know that you’re in the presence of BIG TRUTH, of something of big value, and maybe a signal that you’re on to something important.
If you find yourself with goosebumps, give attention to it. Notice what is happening and what your body is trying to tell you. What you give attention to, develops further.
If we want to start on a journey:
For personal development, and opening up to your GENIUS: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.
If you are interested in the relationship world:
Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment is a classic in the field.
Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationships at Midlife and Beyond which is specifically geared for people 40 and above.
About Katie Hendricks:
Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., BC-DMT*, is an evolutionary catalyst and freelance mentor who has been a pioneer in the field of body intelligence and conscious loving for over forty years. Katie has an international reputation as a presenter and seminar leader, bodifying the core skills of conscious living–authenticity, response-ability and appreciation–with conscious enthusiasts from many fields. She is the co-author of twelve books, including the best-selling Conscious Loving, At The Speed of Life and Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationship at Midlife and Beyond. Katie has been a successful entrepreneur for over forty years. She specializes in turning concepts such as commitment into felt experience and igniting new actions that emerge from the inside out. Her unique coaching and leadership programs have generated hundreds of body intelligence and relationship coaches in the U.S. and Europe. She co-founded the Spiritual Cinema Circle and the virtual Body Intelligence Summit. Katie has appeared on over 500 radio and television programs and traveled well over one million air miles as the ambassador for the work that she and her husband Gay Hendricks have developed.• Kathlyn earned a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology and has been a Board Certified-Dance/Movement Therapist of the American Dance Therapy Association since 1975.
Links and Resources
- New FB page The BQ Hub is a page created with classes and tips for how to open up your body intelligence even more.
- Recommended Books:
- Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment is a classic in the field.
- Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationships at Midlife and Beyond which is specifically geared for people 40 and above.
- If you missed it, listen in on our last podcast episode with Katie: Body Intelligence: Change Your Body, Change Your Mind, #66
- And last week’s episode: Discover Your REAL Superwoman Powers with Aimee Eoff
- Join our private FSL Modern Community on FB.