Why Men Do The Things They Do, with Alison Armstrong, #53

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Show Notes

Ever sit around with your girlfriends and talk about all those things that drive you nuts about your man??? This episode is absolutely hilarious as Alison puts all those pesky behaviors into perspective and teaches us exactly how to understand and what to do to have a happy relationship with men. It is shock full of great information and tips we can put into action immediately and improve our relationship with the men in our lives and receive what we need and expect from them. This is Part 2 of a 2-part series to Understanding Men and Understanding Women, so make sure to listen in on Part 1 first, Become the Confident, Happy Woman You’re Meant to Be.


Men 101- What do we need to know to successfully be in relationship with men?

Most men are hunting most of the time. They are focused, committed, goal oriented, experience support and appreciation as it relates on what they’re focused on. Timing is everything because of their focus. If you want to connect with a man ask him what he’s focused on; what is important to him now.

Some of the ways we can get to know our sons is asking what they’re focused on. Women crave intimacy and they don’t know that men crave intimacy as well. And intimacy has everything to do with being seen.


Ask the question: how can I support you? It means EVERYTHING to them.


For men, there is a limitation to energy, time, resources, connections, respect, everything. Whereas women don’t think we have limits especially in energy. So everything is about a return on investment to men. This is confusing to women because we try to get men to do the things women want them to do. It’s frustrating because women don’t realize men aree calculating ROI. Men will calculate what is the value of the result…not what needs to get done, but the value of what needs to get done.

If they do something for you, what else will they not do? What time, energy and other resources will be used up?


“What difference will it make?” is what men ask themselves to decide if something is worth doing.


How do we come together with men?Why men do the things they do

Alison is getting us the latest and greatest on this! She just filmed the latest on her Queen’s Code workshop and this is some of the info in it!

Both men and women think their view of the world is correct…forever. Men actually need to do nothing to build testosterone and keep the energy to go out and conquer the world. So do nothing, sit on the couch, sleep and have nothing to do. It’s a cycle of building and spending testosterone. If we don’t honor it, our man will feel weak to us, and women will sense this weakness and we will feel burdened and feared. We will question if we need this man in our life, and it will happen if we don’t let him build and spend his testosterone as it is mean to be. Can you see the vicious cycle?


What we need to do is honor our differences instead of expecting the other to be like us! When we see him sitting on the couch, we need to find that sexy. We as women putter around the house, put things away and do everything we want to do, and we give ourselves a deadline. And we become a better me when we’re done.


We keep trying to get men to do things to be like they should be. We keep trying to get them to invest in zero ROI. Not going to happen! To women who think we have unlimited energy and time, if it gets us to zero ROI, it’s OK for us women.


Men don’t believe on acting on feelings. They are an insufficient motivators for them. Men spend their whole lives training themselves to not act on feelings, but facts. Facts are observable, feelings are not. Facts are information from trusted sources. Becoming a trusted source is the game in interacting with men in all contexts!!


How does this happen?

This is the SECRET ladies!!


The short version is how you become a trusted source is when the words and the feelings match. And this is what they are incredibly sensitive to. If you say thank you and they don’t feel the appreciation, that is insincere to them and it will not register.

To become your man’s trusted source, to get to the source of their sensitivity:

  1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  2. Consistency.


When we change our mind, we erode their trust. It’s best to say we can’t answer their question at the moment, or we have not decided, than to blurt something out just to change our mind later.


Listen in on our amazing interview with Alison. We can’t express enough how helpful this interview will be to improving your relationship with men. We can write up all about it, but listening to her speak it is priceless.

If you are interested in fully understanding yourself and/or understanding men, we HIGHLY recommend Alison’s programs. Jennifer has taken her course a couple of years ago and it transformed her life. These are her workshops:

Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women ®

CELEBRATING MEN, SATISFYING WOMEN! Rediscover MEN with compassion, understanding and the ability to get what you need from them with less effort and more satisfaction for both of you. Gain a deep appreciation for the natural synergy possible between the sexes. Rock your world –transform your relationship to men forever.

Understanding Women: Unlock the Mystery ™

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: UNLOCK THE MYSTERY! Learn why women do what they do – how they think, act, speak and listen – and how to work with it instead of being frustrated by it! Gain an extraordinary understanding of how women are designed.


About Alison Armstrong:

Alison Armstrong, author, educator, and creator of the widely acclaimed “Queen’s Code” workshop series, asks the question: “What if no one is misbehaving — including you?”  She explores the good reasons behind the behavior of men and women such as fundamental differences in the ways we think, act and communicate. She offers simple, partnership-based, solutions to improve our communication and intimacy by honoring ourselves and others. She’s known for her insight, sense of humor and ability to articulate the human experience and predicament of gender.

Links and Resources

    • Visit www.understandmen.com to learn more about Alison, her workshops and products.
    • Recommended books:
      • The Queen’s Code: This is the book version of our foundation workshop and the long-awaited sequel to Keys to the Kingdom. A romantic novel, The Queen’s Code reveals the secret to communicating with men, and a code of honor that will change your relationship to yourself and men forever.
      • Making Sense of Men: Step into Alison’s world, where love, care and attention from men are normal and relied upon — and a way of life available for every woman. This book can be your guide, an unexpected friend, even a prophecy for your future. Funny, information-packed text, illustrative charts and enlightening side-bars will deliver priceless insights into men, their motivations and their inspirations.
    • Recommended Digital Resource:
    • If you missed it, listen in on our last podcast episode: Become the Confident, Happy Woman You’re Meant to Be!