Become the Confident, Happy Woman You’re Meant to Be! with Alison Armstrong, #52

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Show Notes

Successful, smart and ready for love? Then listen in now! We often times think, WHY is it that men are wonderful in the beginning and then change? What if we told you that men are responding to women? This episode is for all the ladies out there who want to understand men. But before we understand men, we have to understand ourselves! We had an A-MA-ZING time chatting with Alison Armstrong, author of The Queen’s Code. In this episode you will learn how to shift your perspective, cherish yourself and learn relationship tools for smart and successful women.

This is part 1 of a 2 part series with Alison Armstrong. Let’s start with women, so we can understand ourselves. In next week’s show, we will talk about how to succeed in love and the secrets to have men say “there is something special about her”.

As women, we can use understanding ourselves, to understand men. The biggest mistake that women make is that we dishonor ourselves. We are so instinctually compelled to be pleasing and appealing and agreeable and likeable in order to survive, that we sell ourselves out all the time. This is where we will start.

Alison did not intend to “understand women” in her journey, but it happened in the process. And then men started begging for her help to help them understand women. They so want to connect with us. They adore us and are mystified by us. We are magic creatures to them, and we can absolutely drive them crazy and bring out the worst in them.

Part of the confusion is that every woman is at least 2 woman, and potentially 4. I think most of us probably already knew this 😉

If we’re a morning person or an evening person….that’s one of our personas. It’s a different mood, and mindset and we take experiences depending on that mood. Then our hormones levels determine who another persona is, as it has a tremendous effect on our emotions. Perimenopause and menopause bring out different personas in us. So we grow through different stages of “women” throughout our days and our entire lives.

Depending on how much estrogen we have, will determine how quickly we can switch out our system, the hunter operating system or the gathering operating system. Women are both hunters and gatherers and we can switch from one to the other in a moment’s notice, depending on how we’re perceiving the world. Effects everything we think, do and speak without even realizing we’ve switched over.

What determines what system we’re in is whether or not we are committed or uncommitted. What matters is our intention on a specific result, specific goal, destination, feeling, etc. that fires up the hunter operating system. It’s a system that is committed and focused and usually has a deadline attached to it.

Both men and women hunt. Most men AND women are in hunting mode most of the time.

Women try to be everything, to be perfect at it all. Whereas men tend to focus on their strengths.

Women’s success in business has everything to do with our learning to be a part of a team and respecting other’s people roles in that team, instead of trying to do it all ourselves. This is when we’re in hunting mode. We are focused, build on people’s strengths and have deadlines.

How do we switch from being in hunter mode to being in gatherer mode when we go home from work?

Part of hunting mode is deciding what other people need and going about providing in without checking. A part of being a mom is being a hunter, because there are deadlines involved.

In gatherer mode time shifts. It’s a natural and spiritual connection that happens. We see and feel things, and this is when men describe women as magical. This right here…is the key!

To have the best relationships, we have to start with you first. Honor yourself first, then honor others. How do you define your best self? How much am I a better person when I’m in gathering mode? And how can I bring the gatherer to the workplace?

Let’s build gathering mode into our day…plan for something to take twice as long as it usually should so we can take the time to connect with the man in our life.

It needs to be decided who is the biggest and strongest in a relationship, and that person should lead. But we may not agree who that person is. And this is where the conflict comes in. That’s why getting on the same page is so important.

In next week’s podcast episode, we will discuss understanding men. But before we do that, make sure to take the time to listen to this episode a few times and take in Alison’s information. This only graces the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Alison’s work and to get a full understanding of who you are as a woman, and a full understanding of men, so ultimately, you can have the best relationship.

If you are interested in fully understanding yourself and/or understanding men, we HIGHLY recommend Alison’s programs. Jennifer has taken her course a couple of years ago and it transformed her life. These are her workshops:

Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women ®

CELEBRATING MEN, SATISFYING WOMEN! Rediscover MEN with compassion, understanding and the ability to get what you need from them with less effort and more satisfaction for both of you. Gain a deep appreciation for the natural synergy possible between the sexes. Rock your world –transform your relationship to men forever.

Understanding Women: Unlock the Mystery ™

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN: UNLOCK THE MYSTERY! Learn why women do what they do – how they think, act, speak and listen – and how to work with it instead of being frustrated by it! Gain an extraordinary understanding of how women are designed.


About Alison Armstrong:

Alison Armstrong, author, educator, and creator of the widely acclaimed “Queen’s Code” workshop series, asks the question: “What if no one is misbehaving — including you?”  She explores the good reasons behind the behavior of men and women such as fundamental differences in the ways we think, act and communicate. She offers simple, partnership-based, solutions to improve our communication and intimacy by honoring ourselves and others. She’s known for her insight, sense of humor and ability to articulate the human experience and predicament of gender.

Links and Resources

    • Visit to learn more about Alison, her workshops and products.
    • Recommended books:
      • The Queen’s Code: This is the book version of our foundation workshop and the long-awaited sequel to Keys to the Kingdom. A romantic novel, The Queen’s Code reveals the secret to communicating with men, and a code of honor that will change your relationship to yourself and men forever.
      • Making Sense of Men: Step into Alison’s world, where love, care and attention from men are normal and relied upon — and a way of life available for every woman. This book can be your guide, an unexpected friend, even a prophecy for your future. Funny, information-packed text, illustrative charts and enlightening side-bars will deliver priceless insights into men, their motivations and their inspirations.
    • Recommended Digital Resource:
    • If you missed it, listen in on our last podcast episode: Stressed Out, Overwhelmed, Under Pressure- NO MORE, #50